My bike has ten speeds.

Apparently, the term “fixie” has been so carelessly tossed around with its ever-growing trendiness that its meaning has confused the average Southern California citizen into believing that all bikes with “skinny wheels” have no gears and no brakes.

Still, you can’t really blame these unobservant residents for their confusion – fixed-gear bicycles naked of anything but a frame, a chain and crank have swarmed suburban streets whilst carelessly side-swiping 16-wheeler delivery trucks and soccer moms speeding to get their children to the game on time.

Although it’s a grand thing to have kids exercising and utilizing eco-friendly modes of transportation, many of them are riding brake-less bikes with fixed gears – meaning the pedals are always in motion as the bike is moving. If the kid stops pedaling, the pedals keep moving unless he kicks his foot at the back tire to make it skid to a slow stop.

Why would anyone want to ride a bike that cannot immediately stop, you ask?

The idea of a lightweight bicycle uninhibited by brakes and gears was utilized by professional track racing – with track bikes, not road bikes. Track bikes race on specified, undeterred tracks and fixed pedals only benefit these riders in maintaining their speed.

Little do young fixie riders of today realize that their converted road bikes are only mimicking professional riders who rode on carefully planned paths. Now, they have taken this idea to the streets of So Cal, where vehicles speed in inflammatory road rage and where there are few pedestrians to look out for, let alone cyclists plunging between lanes.

An article titled “Are Brakes for Flakes?” published by the British messenger zine Moving Target, touches upon the primary reasons for riding brake-less: it allows the bike to look more sleek and enhances the rider’s awareness and riding skills.

The author, Buffalo Bill, also notes, “Brakeless riders claim that their skill level on a fixed wheel bike is so high that they can stop in the same distance as a regular bike – well this may or may not be true, but however quickly you can stop, if you bolt a brake on to your bike you will be able to stop quicker!”

Although riders may feel a competition amongst themselves, riding on the road is no playing field. Elders, children and disabled people may not agree with the risks of riding brake-less, yet riders are forcing risk upon them.

Nevertheless, there is one argument that I can’t argue against when it comes to riding fixed: “There is an almost mystical connection between a fixed-gear cyclist and bicycle, it feels like an extension of your body to a greater extent than does a freewheel-equipped machine,” writes cycling enthusiast Sheldon Brown in “Coasting is Bad For You.” Unfortunately, most of these hipsters are hardly experienced riders, and are not skilled enough to avoid the most common fixie catastrophes.

Although no one can deny an athlete’s desire to “take it to the next level,” most of these brake-less, helmet-less fixed riders are doing it for the sake of belonging to a trendy cult. And hey, guess what all you hippies, we live in Fullerton. This place is probably the most car-ridden, least bike-friendly area.

Remember that you’re hearing this from a cyclist who was hit by a car attempting to avoid a freeway entrance, so let me tell you, our streets are not built for riding. If you’re going green and staying hip – wear a helmet, get a brake and stop endangering the lives of everyone around you.

Imagine your mother suffers from epilepsy. The Dilantin her doctor initially prescribed is not effectively controlling her seizures, so he prescribes a remedy he is almost certain will work: marijuana.

No, I’m not some pot-smoking hippie who thinks weed can act as Jesus’ healing hand to all, but let’s get real. Marijuana has been proven to alleviate health problems, so what’s the big deal with patients smoking a little pot?

The possible side effects of marijuana, like paranoia, are short-term and are not as detrimental to patients’ overall health like other medications prescribed for health problems, such as ADHD, can be.

Marley Rosner, 23, an American studies graduate student, has friends with ADHD. He said they were prescribed Ritalin and became extremely depressed, so they objected to taking it.

Rejecting medication? I can understand why patients run screaming to avoid popping pills that make their heart and mind race so fast they can’t think straight, but I can’t see a patient avoiding a drug that will do just the opposite.

Oh wait, that’s right. Marijuana can be addictive and – gasp! – it’s been said to be a gateway drug. According to Dr. Colin Blakemore, department chair of physiology at the University of Oxford, only 10 percent of marijuana users become physiolocially dependent.

“Unlike for nicotine, alcohol and hard drugs, there is no clearly defined withdrawal syndrome, the hallmark of true addiction, when (marijuana) use is stopped,” Blakemore said.

And a gateway drug? Please. Marijuana comes first because it’s most easily accessible. If a fourth of teens at the local high school made their car payments with money from selling cocaine instead of weed, then cocaine would be dubbed the latest “gateway drug.”

Yes, marijuana can cause some lung damage. That’s precisely the reason why medicinal marijuana should be legal nationwide. Patients with medical marijuana cards can buy edible marijuana products, like cookies and cooking oil, thus eliminating the inhalation of the ever-so-harmful smoke.

While it is easy to obtain a medicinal marijuana card so recreational use of the drug will be increased, let’s face the facts: people who obtain a card for recreational use are going to get a hold of marijuana one way or another. Why not purchase it legally at a marijuana store as opposed to from a busboy pot dealer your girlfriend’s cousin’s best friend told you about?

So medical marijuana can aid symptoms, help patients relax and eliminate lung-damaging smoke, you ask? I know your next question: So what’s the big deal with the expansion of the legalization of medicinal marijuana? Exactly.

When all else fails, just take the advice Stewie and Brian from “Family Guy” offer in their jubilant pro-marijuana song: “Everything is better with a bag o’ weed.”

By James Gobee

The expansion of medical marijuana is something that has been damaging to the moral fiber of the United States.

Medical marijuana is obtained with a medical marijuana card and there are countless Americans who are fabricating illnesses to get their hands a card to ensure that their recreational use of marijuana is not considered illegal.

Medical marijuana cards are obtained with ease and the illegalization of marijuana is being forced to sit in the backseat of a hypothetical car, being hot-boxed by the law-evading pothead and his or her stoner friends.

The U.S. has turned to lies and deceit in order to get its hands on the sticky icky.

Marijuana is sometimes used to treat illnesses like HIV and multiple sclerosis. It is no mystery that it does have healing potential.

Massachusetts joined the growing, yet still short, list of states that have legalized medical marijuana. The state voted 65 percent in favor of people being caught holding an ounce or less of marijuana being charged with a civil offense as opposed to a criminal offense. It’s funny that on the same ballot greyhound racing was banned.

Nearly 62 percent of all of the children and young adults, ages 12-17, in drug treatment centers in 2000 had a primary marijuana diagnosis.

TV shows like “That ‘70’s Show” condone the smoking of marijuana without consequence or harm, making it an attractive activity to children and teens.

Marijuana smoke contains 50-70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than tobacco smoke. These carcinogenic hydrocarbons increase the risk of bronchitis and emphysema, as well as lung cancer. It also leads to changes in the brain, similar to those caused by cocaine and heroin.

It’s a mere myth that marijuana is harmless and not addictive.

Marijuana use affects alertness, concentration and reaction time, all necessities to the safe operation of automobiles. Young people tend to underestimate the dangers of drugged driving.

Non-pot smokers often refer the long term affecting of senses such as these as: smoking yourself stupid.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, an emergency department episode was conducted involving marijuana usage revealing that it almost tripled from 1994 to 2002, making marijuana the most widely used illicit drug in the U.S.

Marijuana is known to be a gateway drug to harder and more dangerous drugs like heroine and cocaine.

Smoking pot leads to munchies and over eating leads to obesity and we, as a nation, already have an obesity epidemic. Why add to it?

It’s spread out over a vast area, very bumpy and is mostly a dirty brown/orange color.

As you can tell, I don’t really care for LA.

On the other hand, New York resembles a beautiful machine, with its perfect grids, tall buildings, all silver and shiny, reaching for the sky. The entire island of Manhattan resembles a white diamond on blue velvet – just beautiful.

As I write this, I am overlooking New York City from the 38th floor of my hotel room. The view is amazing, and I challenge anyone who can look out upon the skyline of New York to tell me otherwise.

I’m here for a College Media Advisors journalism conference, and am staying right off Times Square – and let me just say this: the city truly never sleeps. I’ve not found anywhere else in the United States that has gyros stores, hot dog stands and pizza places open until 5 a.m.

Nowhere else have I found Starbucks that close at 2 a.m. There is nowhere else in the world that has the middle of the city lit so bright in the wee hours of the night that you could confuse it for day.

In California, the only food available late night would be fast food, and although Jack in the Box may be a good midnight snack, it just doesn’t quite hit the spot. If you’re a Malaysian in America, you definitely miss mamaks and you understand my pain. So come to New York and we can yum cha anytime of day. Plus, in California, the only things open late are drive-thru and No car = no service.

Speaking of driving, California is driving country, where public transportation is spotty and unreliable because everyone owns a car. No other place in the world needs you to drive so much to get anywhere – but keeps you in traffic for so long.

If you’ve been stuck in rush-hour traffic outside LA, you know what I’m talking about.

Don’t get me wrong, New York traffic is horrible too, but – and here’s the beautiful part – you never need to be in it. Subways are amazing and efficient here, much like Malaysia’s Light Rail Transport system.

As an ex-New Yorker put it to me recently, “You can read a book, do work or nap while in the train in New York. In LA all you can do in traffic is stare straight ahead.”

Now let me get to altitude and attitude. I love heights and I love altitude. New York has both. I never realized how much I missed being in tall buildings, or even under them, until I got here.

Let me illustrate this to you. Lie down on the floor and look straight ahead. See how flat everything is? That’s what Orange County is like. Now stand up straight, do you see how high you are up now compared?

Now multiply that by a thousand, and you get a small idea of how New York is. I just love it.

Photo courtesy MCT

If you look out at all these tall buildings, you see the amount of windows lit up at night. And in each of these windows is somebody’s life. When you look out at the entire city you realize that all around you, condensed into the immediate area, are peoples’ lives and stories; that you are an unseen, intangible part of. It makes me feel comfortable and it makes me feel at home. You can never be truly lonely in this city.

As for attitude, I know a lot of people say New Yorkers are rude, brash and arrogant – and it’s totally true. But I’ll take straightforward, cocky and direct over Californian fakeness any day.

It’s refreshing to see no-nonsense people who walk with purpose, don’t muck around with fake pleasantries and walk the streets like they own it, as opposed to in California where guys dress like beach bums and girls dress like whores. Sorry, but you know it’s true. It’s the middle of winter right now, so yes, it is indeed cold. But I like that – I like not breaking into a sweat the minute I step outside; I like being able to wear jackets, coats and scarves; and I like seeing my breath appear in clouds of fog. I don’t miss the sun and I don’t think it misses me.

So this is my fourth day in New York, and I have four more. I haven’t done all the touristy things yet, like Central Park, the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building, but I think things will only get better with a park, a singular statue and one of the tallest buildings in the world.

On the other hand, what does California have to offer? Disneyland, the Walk of Fame and a sign on a hill made out of big, white letters. Forgive me if I don’t get really excited about Southern California anymore.

I have so much to do in so little time. I have to go explore New York’s public faces and private parts, to quote travel writer Bill Bryson. So if you will excuse me, I need to go see if I can upskirt the Statue of Liberty.

“Let the ’socialist’ snivellers croak, let the bourgeoisie rage and fume, but only people who shut their eyes so as not to see, and stuff their ears so as not to hear, can fail to notice that all over the world the birth pangs of the old, capitalist society, which is pregnant with socialism, have begun,” ?said V.I. Lenin, in his “Prophetic Words.”

Hello comrade, “imagine” a world where the Internet is available to all, where ultra-fast broadband networks are no longer a bill or service, but a necessity, like electricity or water; something most people need in order to survive.

“Broadband is an infrastructure challenge that’s very akin to what we’ve faced in the past with telephones and electricity,” FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski said in an article by Associated Press reporter Joelle Tessler. The FCC wants to provide Internet access for all in the next 10 years, but at what cost?

In this rose-colored, Lennon-inspired world, Tessler continued with the FCC saying, “that high-speed Internet access is no longer just a luxury but is critical for economic development, education, health care and other aspects of daily life.”

While most people could probably benefit from using the Internet for such useful tasks as looking up celebrity gossip, stupid cat videos or playing Farmville, to say that the Internet is critical for daily life is absurd.

Furthermore the FCC believes that you and the cable companies should pay for those who are less fortunate who don’t have access to high speed streaming porn. Just like Karl Marx said, “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.” The FCC is doing this by charging it to the country’s platinum account, the stimulus bill that is already in the red for $7.2 billion for 2009. The plan calls to fundraise the rest of the gap by “reclaiming some airwaves from TV stations and auctioning those frequencies to companies that deliver wireless Internet access,” according to Tessler.

Reclaiming, that sounds nice, kind of like sharing; big broadcasters should totally hand over their businesses to the government so everyone can use their services for nothing, just like John Lennon wrote, “Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can?/No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man/imagine all the people sharing all the world.”

But what if those companies don’t want to share? “In a statement Monday, the National Association of Broadcasters said it is also concerned that some aspects of the plan ‘may in fact not be as voluntary as originally promised,”’ Tessler said.

While this 10-year plan may have obvious benefits for police, fire, medical and people who remain disconnected from a broadband line, the way to finish the plan seems reprehensible. The FCC should re-evaluate how it is going to procure the money to fund this project before it saps the American people and their businesses.

By Fred Bloom
Daily Titan Staff Writer

The Federal Communications Commission is unveiling the “broadband plan,” which aims to provide faster Internet speeds to more Americans.

The goal is to provide connections of 100 megabits of data per second to 100 million households in the country by 2020. The average speed of U.S. Internet connections now is 3.9 megabits per second, according to Internet monitor Akamai.

Current U.S. Internet speeds are considered low by global standards. The country has only the 18th fastest connections in the world. South Korea, which leads the world in data transfer rates, averages 14.6 megabits per second.

Each community in America will also get one “ultra-high-speed” connection in a place such as a school or hospital, which will be able to reach speeds of 1 gigabit per second.

Currently, only 65 percent of Americans have high-speed Internet access at home. Access to high-speed Internet connections is becoming an integral amenity, and not having it is a detriment to the country’s economic growth.

Due to a lack of adaptation, the U.S. has not taken advantage of innovations in health care, education, public safety and government.

Achieving this goal within 10 years will be difficult because major corporations will not likely comply with FCC mandates immediately. Companies have used a lack of competition in the market for their financial gain. Comcast is raising prices beginning April 1, and AT&T has already raised prices in the recent past.

However, the FCC plans to ensure companies will comply. In the executive summary of the broadband plan, the FCC outlines measures that will encourage companies to expand high-speed Internet access.

Companies will analyze and publish data regarding the availability of broadband in new markets and develop disclosure to ensure consumers have the ability to make informed decisions.

More importantly, the FCC wants corporations to update existing rules on telecom policy. The plan is to free up 500 MHz of wireless spectrum for broadband use and increase financial support for setting up broadband in underserved markets.

If forced, the FCC will auction off spectrum to a bidder who must provide free or low-cost service.

While leading corporations will be skeptical at first, they will realize the importance of developing the Internet. Competition may cause reduced profits, but using the full potential of the Internet will open up new, unexplored markets.

“The National Broadband Plan is a 21st century roadmap to spur economic growth and investment, create jobs, educate our children, protect our citizens and engage in our democracy,” said FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski in a news release. “It’s an action plan, and action is necessary to meet the challenges of global competitiveness and harness the power of broadband to help address so many vital national issues.”

During my time of surfing this majestic series of tubes, I’ve seen a lot of things that should be viewed by no mortal eyes. In short, I’ve seen things — terrible, terrible things.

But few of the aforementioned horrors are as psychologically scarring as the online guerilla warfare that fanfiction continues to wage on the English language.

Fanfiction, for those who don’t know, is a piece of fan-written fiction. I hope that cleared things up.

Because I am evidently a masochist, today we will be taking a journey into the pestilence-filled halls of Fanfiction.net.

Join me in my moment of torment, won’t you?

“The Marine Biology Episode” by Manda2247 (a “Bill Nye The Science Guy” fanfiction)

Defining quote: “’Ugh. What am I going to do next?’ His season finale episode had just finished taping, and now he had to begin working on the script for his next episode. ‘I really want to do an episode about polar bears. They have such cool fur.’”

Commentary: Look, the fact that this is Bill Nye fanfiction should be a dead giveaway to its terribleness. In this epic saga, Bill Nye decides to do a show about polar bears because they “have cool fur.” His producers don’t want to do a show about polar bears because, you know, that’s a fricking horrible idea. Bill Nye uses what I can only guess is voodoo trickery to convince them otherwise. Then he and his wife get into a terrible car accident and almost die. Only, I guess that it’s not so horrible because they’re released a few hours later. They go home. Fin.

Jesus Christ.

“Where are my panties?” by andyoullenjoyit (a “Grey’s Anatomy” fanfiction)

Defining quote: “Meredith smirked. ‘Now where are they?’ ‘First drawer on the right,’ he mumbled sullenly. Meredith walked over and grabbed them triumphantly. ‘Ha! I win! Thanks for the help, Addie!’ She kissed Addison and gave Mark the finger when he whistled. She sashayed out of the room and when Addison didn’t follow her immediately, yelled, ‘Addie, you coming?’”

Commentary: Whoops! I guess I should have warned you all about the spoilers there. Because I know you were all on the edge of your seats to know where the aforementioned panties are. My bad. In this piece, we are introduced to Meredith, who apparently has one (and only one) pair of panties. The author never specifies why her roommate, Mark, took her panties, so I’m forced to conclude that he’s holding them in the name of science. Meredith uses her +7 Charisma skill to recapture her panties. Also, she’s a ginormous bitch.

I don’t know what kind of a person andyoullenjoyit is, but I think it’s safe to assume that, judging from the screen name, he or she is a registered sex offender.

“Dino Thunder Infusion” by Falcon4Crane (a “Power Rangers” fanfiction)

Defining quote: “Looking once more at Zeltrax, Tommy morphed and prepared to fight him. They fought for several minutes before Tommy had to call on his staff to fend off Zeltrax. He then hit the ground to cause a quack to knock Zeltrax off balance. Sensing that his time was up, Zeltrax disappeared through an invisiportal. Tommy stared at the spot where Zeltrax was standing and shook his head and powered down. He walked onto the dig site to find anything that might give off energy. When he couldn’t find anything, he left to check on the kids’ progress with the dino zord.”

Commentary: Look, I have no idea what the hell is going on at all in this story. I tried reading it, I really did, but then I realized that this thing was 14 chapters long and I was all like, “screw that noise.” So yeah. Anyway, from what I can gather, there’s this egg and it has a robot in it. So this dude Tommy is trying to protect the egg but this other dude named Zeltrax wants it. Tommy fends him off with a stick that apparently makes duck noises and then he goes on to inspect the progress of the child slaves he keeps in his Sweatshop of Justice. There’s more, but I have to go shotgun a can of gasoline now.

“Nightmare at Sea” by Ashleigh Johnson, age 9 (a “Titanic” fanfiction)

Defining quote: “The next day when Hannah woke up she didn’t remember where. ‘Oh now I remember.’ she said.”

Commentary: HAHAHAHA! What an idiot! I’ll bet this chick’s parents wish there was such thing as a postpartum abortion. HAHA!

Wait, who wrote this?

Shit.

Too bad you’re in college now, huh? I know that the switch was difficult and you may still be going through withdrawal, but there are a few high school-fueled habits that end now.

1. Sleeping in class

If you missed class in high school, chances were very high that an angry recorded message would end up on your parent’s answering machine by the end of the day, warning them that unexcused absences lead to a life of crime, debauchery and general nastiness.

We know now that those warnings were entirely true, but the answering machine message has disappeared. Why? Because you’re an adult.

No one is going to call home when you miss class. Please, if you’re really so tired that 50 minutes of Elizabethan history will reduce you to droopy eyelids and incoherent muttering, stay home. Pillows absorb the drool better than laminated wood, and you won’t personally insult your professor. Home too far away? I recommend the arboretum for a mid-day nap – the grassy hill by the pond is perfect. Although I caution: Watch for duck poop.

2. Walking shoulder to shoulder

Cliques were my personal favorite part of high school. Doing your lipstick in the opaque mirror in the bathroom, making fun of girls with cankles – ah, youth. The best part of having a clique was walking side-by-side down the hallway, arms linked and heels clacking.

You formed an impenetrable wall, resistant to all outside forces – including the pathetic nobodies trying to find a way around you. Now there are more nobodies than ever, completely unaware that you’re more important than them, yelling silly things like “Move it!” and “Don’t stop right in front of me, you’ll make me swerve and hit that group of ahhhhhh!”

3. Bragging about excessive drinking

Alcohol was a taboo and forbidden fruit in high school. Was your brother 21 and willing to buy beer for you? Welcome to popularity! There wasn’t anyone too good to listen to your stories about binge drinking with an aftermath of painful purging if it meant you could hook them up to do the same.

We have a new word for that kind of behavior – Alcoholism. Annoying alcoholism. That story about that time you got totally drunk and hooked up with Amy – Bro, listen … Bro – is less impressive and more pathetic. It isn’t forbidden anymore. If you aren’t 21, most of your friends are.

Getting alcohol isn’t hard, getting drunk isn’t taboo and spending an evening with your girlfriends holding your hair back while you empty the contents of your stomach into a dirty dorm toilet isn’t neat.

4. Nonconformity

Do you remember the look on your mom’s face the first time you sewed a “Dead Kennedys” patch to the back of the leather jacket she got you for your birthday? Or that one time when you put a safety pin through your ear and spit (mentally, not physically – that’s gross) at all of the stupid conformist kids you went to school with? They’re all sheep just blindly buying into corporations, man.

You would have deep conversations about how dumb Abercrombie & Fitch Co. is with the cashier at Hot Topic as you bought a few more Ramones pins (for the low, low price of $15.99) for the checkered messenger bag you just bought at Tilly’s.

Faking nonconformity by dressing like all of the other nonconformists was dumb then, but it’s even dumber now. You don’t have that “Oh, he’s just being a teenager” excuse anymore.

Grow up, buy a pair of khakis and stop trying so hard. Leave high school behind.

Movie executives utilized a number of gimmicks and aspect ratios to bring viewer’s butts back into theaters and away from the boob tube.

Now the gag has come full circle, as the geniuses at Korea-based Samsung thought that taking a play from a long forgotten Hollywood handbook would boost sales. But unlike the cardboard throwaway frames of yesterday, or even the better plastic frames in theaters now, the company is expecting the average consumer to fork over $150 for a pair of nerd specs just to use their $2,000 to $7,000 televisions.

Reviewers are saying that the TVs will be great for gaming or watching copies of “Avatar” or “Monsters Vs. Aliens,” but what about sports or just regular old shows?

The technophiles in the land of the rising sun are snatching up the nearly $3,000 systems like hotcakes, but in the United States, consumers are often reluctant to pony up the cash for underdeveloped technology.

“‘In the states, a product might sit on the shelves for eight months,’ says Paul Jackson, Forester Research’s lead analyst for consumer- product strategy. ‘But in Japan turnover is measured in weeks. The demand is insatiable,’” Wired reporter Cliff Kuang wrote.

The last great innovation in television was making everything into HD, which made sense after manufactures and studios worked together to provide ample content for consumers and really didn’t require anything more than buying a monitor. But expecting a family of four to pay $600 for four pairs of goofy goggles sounds absolutely absurd.

Did anyone remind Samsung that we’re in a recession?

Besides that, no one other than James Cameron really knows how to film in 3-D without employing the usual bag of tricks: things being thrown at the viewer or exploding in their face. It is a farce to believe that viewers are going to want to dodge flying shit every time they turn on a TV after a hard day of work.

What would the Food Network or sports do for that matter? Throw knives and footballs at the audience or have messes explode at the viewer like some Nickelodeon ride gone horribly wrong.

Sure it’s cutting edge, but maybe consumers should to hold their wallets and their horses before gallivanting into the nearest Best Buy until studio executives figure this one out.

By Brian Zbysenski

Daily Titan Staff Writer

Three-dimensional television will revolutionize the entertainment industry. Just look at where the television industry has gone since its introduction. When TV was first making its way into civilian homes, it was thought to be a fad and that it was not going to go anywhere. This is not how I feel about the new 3-D trend.

It’s been about 70 years since the TV made its debut and about 40 years since the color TV was introduced to consumers. With technology moving the way it is, it’s about time something new comes our way. And what better way to do it than make certain shows and games more realistic.

How can anyone not be excited for 3-D TV? It will just add another element to America’s pastime of escapism through television. Samsung, Panasonic and Sony also think so; the three giants in electronic appliances have already revealed their interest in this new technology.

Also, judging how well James Cameron’s “Avatar” did in the three-dimensional form, it’s safe to say that this trend is making its way into popular culture.

Imagine all the movies, sporting events and even video games that could be played on this new TV. Wouldn’t action movies be that much more intense when you can see the exploding debris fly right by your face? Sports games will make you feel like you’re at the game, or even playing it, which is a dream that a lot of people grow up with.

The all-new visual element will make games like “Gears of War 2” and “Assassin’s Creed 2” more exciting and realistic. A lot of people like to play video games as a temporary escape from reality and 3-D technology will only add to that.

One thing that is unattractive is the cost. But if you really think about it, when is anything new not going to be a little more expensive? Also, when the novelty dies down, you won’t even realize the price difference between the 3-D TV and other conventional televisions.

The glasses are also seen as a big distraction as they can sometimes cause eye strains, headaches, and nausea.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Inside of this year’s Consumer Electronics Show convention, which is the world’s largest technology trade show, there was one no-glasses 3-D TV on display. The television set contained eight different lenses on the screen itself. So the concept is there, but still evolving.

Nothing stays the same these days as technology continues to improve. Those who wish to stick with their traditional two-dimensional televisions can do so, as most of these TVs can switch back and forth from 2-D to 3-D on the fly.

Are you eating healthy? Buy our new Yoplait Essence yogurt shot! Four ounces of liquid and you won’t need to eat for another eight hours!

Are you exercising? Buy our new Skecher’s Shape Ups: you’ll get those muscles working as you walk to your car!

Are you saving the planet? Buy our new organic toilet paper, made from 10 percent all-natural materials!

Good causes are being masked by consumerist gimmicks, and saving the environment is simply another one of them. Ironically, we are being tricked into buying things we don’t need, which goes against the very cause of saving the environment.

For example, every major grocery store is crowded with racks full of assorted reusable bags. Buy these bags, and you are saving earth!

But how?

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t once seen a customer equipped with reusable bags.

I hate to toot my own horn, I actually use these bags at Trader Joe’s, but only because I want to increase my chances of winning their raffle.

The point is, if you get in line at Albertson’s and whip out a handful of Ralph’s reusable bags, you’re only embarrassing yourself. You’d likely feel a sudden the urge to explain something: “I, uh, forgot all the bags with your giant-ass logo splashed across the front, I’m sorry! I’ll bring them next time, I promise! In fact, throw some in my cart, I’ll just buy some more.”

And that’s when you drive home and stuff your new Albertson’s bags under your sink and never use them again.

It’s obvious that advertisers are seeing a trend in society: Most of us are suffering from slight eco-guilt.

Maybe we really are afraid the earth is going to melt under global warming, or maybe we don’t want our children to die from asthma attacks due to air pollution – for whatever reason, enough people are wanting to consume less, and advertisers are utilizing this to make them consume more.

Although the green movement is arguably trendy, it keeps reemerging in society for a reason. We realize that we consume more than we need, that we buy and make food that nobody will ever eat, then we create boxes and papers and trinkets that are essentially useless and will be thrown away within a matter of weeks.

On top of that, we get berated by reminders of unimaginable people in third-world countries that can’t get a drop of fresh water, let alone a dozen “reusable” bags that, oddly enough, never get used.

There’s nothing wrong with consumers here, since we have our hearts in the right place – we want to be healthy and we want to be good people.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t know how, and being brainwashed by an advertiser’s ploy simply seems to be the easiest way.

If only those victims of false advertising could wake up and realize that buying more is not the answer – it’s about buying only what you need and using it.

This would make a great Jim Carrey movie:

In his new book, “Courage and Consequence: My Life as a Conservative in the Fight,” the man who was formerly White House Deputy Chief of Staff and the Senior Adviser to the President Karl Rove claimed that former President George W. Bush, didn’t “lie us into war.”

He went on to say that Bush would not have begun the war with Iraq in 2003 if he knew that weapons of mass destruction – remember, this was their selling point of the war to the public – would not be found in the country.

This is undoubtedly a response to the accusations that the war was really for oil that bombarded the Bush administration for years. In fact, one of the Republican party’s own, former Chairman of the Federal Reserve Alan Greenspan, said in 2007 that he was “saddened that it is politically inconvenient to acknowledge what everyone knows: the Iraq war is largely about oil.”

Seems like we’ve got a good ol’ fashioned “he said, she said” mystery on our hands! Excellent.

So, let’s look at the facts: Bill Moyers pointed out in a 2008 article that, when Dick Cheney was running energy supplier Halliburton in the ‘90s, he said that “by 2010, we will need on the order of an additional 50 million barrels a day. So where is the oil going to come from? While many regions of the world offer great oil opportunities, the Middle East with two-thirds of the world’s oil and the lowest cost, is still where the prize ultimately lies.”

Well, well, well. I assume that everyone knows what position Dick Cheney went on to take at the White House – vice-president to the Bush administration. This is an interesting link, yes, – but, of course, this isn’t really substantial evidence yet. So, moving on …

The established story about how the war began was that intelligence the CIA received pointed to the fact that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. This is what Rove is also claiming in his new book.

In 2004, author Ron Suskind released a book largely chronicling former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O’Neill’s experience in the White House during the Bush administration. The book, aptly titled “The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill,” brought up some interesting facts.

O’Neill told Suskind that, years before the intelligence claiming there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were presented to Bush, there was much talk of invading Iraq.

“From the start, we were building the case against (Saddam) Hussein and looking at how we could take him out and change Iraq into a new country. And, if we did that, it would solve everything. It was about finding a way to do it. That was the tone of it. The President saying, ‘Fine. Go find me a way to do this,’ ” he told Suskind.

O’Neill claims that this occurred as early as 10 days after Bush entered office in January 2001.

O’Neill even furnished a Pentagon document from March 5, 2001, titled none other than “Foreign Suitors for Iraqi Oilfield Contracts.” The document itself, available for public viewing on the lovely Web site JudicialWatch.org, has a map of the Iraqi oil fields (as well as that of Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates) and a list of possible foreign suitors – other countries – who are interested in Iraq’s oil.

This comes back to Cheney and his quote from his Halliburton days – before the invasion, he was one of the guys pushing for the war and attempting to justify it to the American people. In fact, he’s quoted as saying in 2002, “there’s no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction. There’s no doubt he’s amassing them to use against our friends, against our allies, and against us.”

It was later proved that the “intelligence” that Cheney was speaking of was wrong. Actually, it was completely fabricated. There were no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq. After this was discovered, they reworked their story to claim that the Iraq invasion was to free the people of the country from the dictatorship of Hussien. A noble act, yes – in fact, most likely a necessary one – but it probably didn’t hurt that the country they were trying to “save” sat on oil field after oil field, did it?

It doesn’t take much to notice how all of this evidence fails to match Rove’s claim in his new book. May it be a matter of opinion on Rove’s part, a matter of ignorance or just a matter of a last attempt at bringing good press to the Bush administration – it doesn’t matter. The fact is that the pieces don’t fit with that claim, and it’s unclear why Rove would see fit to make it since he should very well know better. The truth is out there, and it’s too late in the game to try and tell the same tired lies.

Oh, reality shows, where do I begin? There is nothing that spills out of my glowing 1985 24-inch projection screen more hated than the reality show. It is truly the most mind-rotting and useless variety of programming available for mass consumption. I’m astounded by the number of teenagers and adults – you know who you are – who crowd around high-definition flat screens for hours, watching re-runs of “The Real World 213.”

There is no better example of a complete lack of creativity in whatever hellish TV studio sits atop a secret volcano lair, laughing at the stupidity of the masses.

“Master, what shall we film today?” asks a small deformed henchman, dragging his left foot behind him, one eye obscured by a patch with a skull on it.

“Elementary, my good man,” booms a looming TV executive, sweeping his floor-length black cape behind him. “I say we release another ‘Tool Academy: Big Brother Edition.’ ”

Billowing laughter ensues.

I thought the creativity ended with spin-offs of shows like “Happy Days” and “Baywatch,” but I had no idea. Take for example, “Real Chance of Love,” featuring two brothers looking to find their soul mates. That show was born of their appearance on “I Love New York,” featuring a temperamental diva looking to find her soul mate. That show was born of New York’s appearance on both “Flavor of Love,” “Flavor of Love 2” and “Flavor of Love: Charm School.”

“Flavor of Love” also inspired an equal mess of reality shows called “Rock of Love with Brett Michaels,” (even over-the-hill has-been rock stars need love) “Rock of Love 2,” “Rock of Love: Charm School,” “I Love Money” and a reunion episode for every series. “Flavor of Love” features washed-up drummer/rapper Flavor Flav looking to find his soul mate (have you noticed the pattern? Strange how these hosts STILL haven’t found love after hundreds of floozies). That show was born of “Strange Love,” a program that followed the romance between Flav and Brigitte Nielsen, who discovered their affections for one another on the reality show that started this domino reaction from hell, “The Surreal Life.”

Dear God, reality shows are the new Kevin Bacon.

Once you finally quit weeping for the fate of humanity, you might take a second and WATCH one of these cookie-cutter shows, reminiscent of the novels produced by automated story-printing machines in George Orwell’s “1984” (silly Orwell, no one reads in the future), you might notice the surprising high quality of the acting and story-telling. Ha! Just kidding! My favorite example is “Next,” courtesy of the surprisingly music-absent channel, MTV.

A shallow individual (male or female, gay or straight – MTV doesn’t discriminate in their production of reality vomit) leads a date, while four of five prospective partners wait in a bus for their turn.

If one of the partners does something annoying, or if the dater doesn’t like their hair when they step off of the bus, they are “Next-ed.” Ah, it sounds just like the way I used to date – blind judgments cast down from atop my pedestal, as I hand out money that corresponds to how long my date lasted.

If that awe-inducing story-arc hasn’t got you throwing money at MTV to invest, you haven’t seen the flawless “acting” that occurs in intervals during this “reality” show: Brittney shifts uncomfortably in the back of the bus, twirling her blonde hair extensions and smacking her Dubble Bubble. “I didn’t want to go on another date with Brad/Chad/Justin/Jason anyway. He thinks he’s a hero … but he’s really … a zero.”

He sure is, Brittney. He sure is.

First, I was a loose vegetarian, or as some would put it, a “half-assed” vegetarian. I would eat, say, chicken broth if my mom were to cook me soup, or sushi when my dad would take me out for dinner. These situations were few and far between and were typically for the sake of loved ones and cultural experiences.

But, now I can see that I was wrong.

I have decided to stop eating fish and other animal-murdering substances such as gelatin and broth. In addition to this, I have nixed all forms of dairy from my diet, such as cheese, yogurt and ice cream.

Why? Well, let’s just say a light has shone upon me. I now understand why anybody would call an egg-frying, milk-chugging vegetarian an insufferable monster that was raised off a family of twits. Veganism, after all, stretches all the way back to the 1940s. At this point, how can anybody NOT understand and bow down to vegan culture?

After all, we Americans are so good at understanding and embracing diversity. That is why I am now telling all of my omnivore friends, family and casual acquaintances that they are wrong. I don’t care if you were raised off chicken fingers, or if your species had developed canine teeth after billions of years of natural selection – your culture and your beliefs are completely wrong, and better yet, monstrous.

Vegans aren’t any better. Did you know that when a fruit is picked, the stems and leaves of the tree are damaged? Stems are essential to hold leaves up to catch sun rays for photosynthesis, which is vital for a tree’s sustenance, and they also hold up flowers to allow insects and birds to attain nutrients in order to pollinate the planet. By consuming hand-picked fruits and vegetables, we are stealing a tree’s ability to spread its seeds naturally, whilst starving insects and birds.

That is why I’ve decided to only eat fruits that have naturally fallen from the tree and hit the ground. I have become a fruitarian, because fruit nutrition does not pollute the earth and allows the birth of new trees that provide life-supporting nutrients, unlike those barbaric vegans wolfing down standard store-bought fruit.

So I don’t eat anything unless it has naturally fallen from a branch. Also, I have stopped using all products that either test on animals or deplete any form of natural resources. That means no shampoo, no soap, and no deodorant, not even Tom’s (Tom’s all-natural products still consume sources that could feed or house an animal, which is more important than deodorizing my armpits). I am no longer washing my clothes, because that uses water essential to fish, and I do not walk on the sidewalk, because I don’t agree with paving an insect’s home.

Then again, if I am still eating fruit, that means I will be eating the seeds that are essential to tree reproduction, so if we all become fruitarians, we will deplete the earth’s fruit supply such as apples, oranges and persimmons. Dear God, what would we do without persimmons?!

Well, it looks like the least hypocritical way to avoid the exploitation of animals and natural sources is to just stop eating altogether. So, I guess I will starve and die one day, but long live Mother Earth!

Only in America will you find disclaimers on almost everything you touch or see throughout the day. My coffee tells me it is hot and could burn me, my apple pie cautions that it might spill all over my shirt and my cigarettes claim they are out to kill me.

But the worst part is that these warnings aren’t there for my safety or to help me in anyway, but merely exist to protect the manufacturers of these ‘dangerous’ items.

I get it, America is a fine society – with an emphasis on the world “fine” – where there could be financial penalties and lawsuits regarding everything you do.

Kids have sued McDonald’s for making them fat, and people have sued Starbucks for giving them, gasp, hot coffee.

Sadly, I’m siding with the evil corporations on this one. People, like Jordan Triplett of Knoxville, Tenn., who are dumb enough to attempt to balance a cup of hot coffee on their laps while negotiating a turnpike deserve scalded thighs.

I’ll admit, I’ve done it myself and I’ve understood that my punishment for stupid behavior is burnt loins.

On the other hand, McDonald’s did use the worst defense plea in the child obesity case of 2003; claiming that they “handle nutrition responsibly by putting large nutrition informational posters in their restaurants,” as if that makes their food healthy to consume. No Ronald, it doesn’t.

I just thank God that common sense won this time, where the judge threw out the case, and told the two girls Jazlyn Bradley and Ashley Pelman to invest in some treadmills or buy bigger clothes.

OK, so I made that last part up, but if I were the judge that would have been my verdict.

My issue is with the fact that these disclaimers even exist – putting the label “Smoking Kills” on a pack of cigarettes doesn’t make them safer, and engraving the instructions “Do not point at face and pull trigger” won’t stop a gun from killing someone.

What is the importance of these warnings? If someone owned a gun, I would sincerely hope that they knew what it was for, here’s a tip: It’s not a bloody paperweight.

I’m sure you’ve come across dense legalese or misleading signage on a daily basis.

My favorite is serving size indicators on food. Take a pack of Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese. Flip it over. Done? OK, now look at its nutritional (hah!) facts.

A serving of Stouffer’s contains 340 calories. But that’s OK, right? Because it says right there on the front in big, proud letters: 0 grams trans fat. But wait a minute, in the nutritional (double hah!) information, it says that there are 16 grams of total fat in this meal.

If you look more carefully, in the very, very fine print, you will also find that all that information is for one serving size. This pack of mac ‘n’ cheese contains two serving sizes, but the nutritional information is for one serving. Basically you need to double all the figures you see, giving us a grand total of 680 calories and 32 grams of fat.

Very sneaky Stouffer’s.

So if you don’t eat microwaveable food, then let’s take a look at a staple American college student snack, tortilla chips. I picked up a pack of Tostitos and checked their “nutritional” information.

It’s a pack of chips that is “guaranteed fresh” and is naturally-made with whole grains, so it only contains 140 calories and seven grams of fat. Phew.

But wait a minute, what’s the serving size you say?

That’s the joke. Those figures are for a serving size of about seven chips out of a bag that contains over 500 chips.

I personally don’t know anyone who makes sure the number of chips they eat are in multiples of seven, and I haven’t even started on the cheese and bean dip yet either.

Back home if someone did something stupid like burn their tongue on hot food, or eat fast food every day, no one would care, and no judge would give them time of day. In the great democracy of America however, these cases are not only prominent, but cost millions of dollars in damages and lawyer fees. Not to mention everyone’s wasted time because some twit didn’t know that hot coffee was, well, hot.

I think it’s too late for the United States at this point. It’s seeped into the culture and even everyday conversation. Ever had someone say “No offense, but …” and then say something offensive anyway? Yeah, that’s a “Warning: Disclaimer” right there.

All I want is for all McDonald’s packaging, in the future, to say: “Warning: Will make you fat.”

I’m just saying, there’s a difference.

Warning II: Electric Boogaloo: I’m serious. I’m going to be talking about one of the main plot points in “Shutter Island.” Stop reading now if you’re one of those people who goes into a homicidal rage if someone gives away the ending to something.

Warning the Third: Here be spoilers, ye be warned.

“Shutter Island” has been a huge success for director Martin Scorsese and actor Leonardo DiCaprio. I don’t mean to drop a metaphorical deuce on their success – wait, no, sorry. I totally do.

The movie has all the trappings of a good thriller/atmospheric-horror/talking picture: it has an engaging plot, interesting (likeable is admittedly a bit of a stretch) characters, spooky settings, blah blah blah. And then we get to the end.

Over the years, psychology has become a sort of a dues ex machina for screenwriters; a “Get Out of Jail Free” card when they write themselves into a corner.

It’s easy to see why. Whereas society has a pretty good grasp on some areas of study, psychology remains a largely uncharted territory. Furthermore, while demons and vampires can be dismissed as imaginary creatures, the idea that one’s own mind – which is supposed to help rather than hinder – can turn against us is, frankly, terrifying.

Or at least it would be, if at this point the idea wasn’t so cliché and overused.

“The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” is basically a book that gives information about every recognized mental illness. It’s also a buffet of plot devices for screenwriters.

Problem: Your main character is being pursued by an insane serial killer who is also targeting everyone that said main character knows and loves. The time has come to unmask the identity of the serial killer, and if it’s not shocking enough then some high-powered Hollywood executive is going to rape your dog. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Solution: The main character did it. He/she has Multiple Personalities Disorder (or Dissociative Identity Disorder if you want to be hip and with the times). Now sit back, relax and enjoy some margaritas.

Problem: You wrote a full-length script and are reading through it again only to realize that it’s not interesting/convoluted enough. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Solution: Give the main character amnesia; make the plot about him/her figuring out the plot. Remember: everyone loves amnesia! Amnesia is to Hollywood suspense films what apple pie is to America.

Problem: Your script is not weird enough. You must add more weird shit. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Solution: Make one of the characters (preferably the antagonist, but feel free to make it the protagonist if you’re feeling sassy) schizophrenic. Only when you’re doing research about the disease, don’t look at any valid medical sources. Rather, use soap operas and older horror movies. No one will know the difference!

I’m picking on “Shutter Island” because it’s the most recent example of a long history of Hollywood using stereotypes about the mentally ill to mend plot holes. Well, that and because “Shutter” manages to take all three clichés and smelt them together to form an ending that can only be described as similar to pulling a delicious chocolate cake out of the refrigerator only to have someone set you on fire.

Most films depicting mental illness will also rely on the insta-cure to make everything all better after it’s revealed that one of the characters is insane. “Shutter Island” is no exception.

Here’s the dangerous thing about Hollywood and mental illness: while it’s common sense to think that what’s being portrayed on the screen is make-believe, it’s not always the case – especially when you’re dealing with a subject that many people aren’t comfortable talking about for fear of being judged.

This in turn can lead to someone who, upon encountering someone who is seriously mentally ill, will tell them to “snap out of it.” This in turn may lead to a mentally ill person not getting the treatment that he or she requires.

TL;DR: Hollywood needs to do a better job of portraying the mentally ill. Also, what’s the deal with airline food?

I say “gangsta” instead of “gangster” because the two words mean completely different things. The “gangster” is an example of the stereotypical mafia hit-man of the roaring ’20s, complete with a sharp suit, a tommy gun and a fedora. Very classy. The “gangtsa,” on the other hand, prides himself on the donning of a pair of oversized saggy pants, an oversized saggy shirt, gigantic fake man jewelry and a clean baseball hat with the price sticker still stuck on the bill.

Let’s start with the price sticker. Usually shiny, gold and noticeable, nothing says “HEY! HEY! LOOK! I paid money for this hat and my head size is slightly under the national average!” quite like the hat sticker. Was it really not enough to brand yourself with the logo on that hat? You had to take it all the way and broadcast the exact price, size and manufacturer? I was dumbfounded the first time I noticed someone with the shimmery goldenrod atrocity adorning their Dodger-blue, jauntily-angled, precariously-perched cap. I took them aside and reminded them, with incredible grace, that they must have forgotten to peel off the embarrassing advertisement.

“It’s fashion!” I was told.

“Surely you jest!” I retaliated.

I was dead wrong. The bill sticker was intentional, with its apparent purpose to alert surrounding onlookers that the particular hat upon your big dumb head is new (and expensive!).

Forgive my callousness, but that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s so dumb, even, that I’ve taken to asking everyone I see with the sticker why they’ve forgotten to take it off. The answer is always the same, and it’s always hilarious. The sticker is a perfect example of a childish need for attention and status. No one is buying it.

That brings me to my next criticism of “gangsta” accessories: gigantic gaudy “bling.” Bling is another great example of an overinflated ego and skewed view of status. NEWSFLASH: Sticking sparkly crap to something huge and then wearing it around your neck does not make you “fly.” It makes your neck sore. It’s popular in the hip-hop and rap scene because many superstars in that arena have risen from extreme poverty in desperate situations to fabulous wealth and notoriety. What would you do in that situation? Damn right you would cover everything you own in diamonds. However materialistic and selfish that might be is up for debate, but what ISN’T is whether or not it works for middle-class fashionistas who hop on bandwagons faster than you can say, “Crank Dat, Soulja Boy.” Besides, sterling silver and sequins doesn’t say, “I’ve overcome staggering odds,” as much as you think it does.

That brings us to my favorite (and by favorite, I mean most hilarious) aspect of “gangsta” fashion: the sagging pants. Sagging pants have been around for a long time and have become so popular that this fashion disease has claimed the butt cheeks of other teen fashion trends, utterly dominating the way young men dress. Where thousands of boys got the idea that exposed “Simpsons” boxers were an attractive fashion choice is beyond me, but that’s not why I’m excited for this particular portion of my 650-word block of text. I’m hoping that someone somewhere is reading this article with saggy pants, and is about to drop his (or her, I won’t judge) newspaper in horror.

Sagging trousers originated in prisons, where they were tell-tale markers of some big nasty brute’s property. That’s right, wannabes. If your loose belt is grazing your thigh, you might as well have “Belongs to Bubba” stamped on your bum.

Please, pull them up.

Why is the sky reddish orange as the sun sets? Oh hun, that’s just the beauty of nature. Atmospheric pollution caused by iron and industrial emissions? Never heard of it.

It’s all right if you don’t believe in global warming. Honestly, I could care less about your toleration for diesel exhaust. Those gusts of black smoke will eventually dissipate anyway, right?

It’s all completely useless. The air is so fresh that it hurts to breathe, and that is why children all over Southern California are coughing up a lung due to asthma attacks.

With all that said, it’s understandable why everyone is in an uproar over Obama’s attempts to limit greenhouse gas emissions. Critics have a right to argue against Obama’s spending of tax credits for a clean energy economy that will ostensibly create 17,000 jobs. Their argument: The government’s plan to increase labor-intensive “green” power sources is going to cost our nation a pretty penny that it can’t afford.

So what do they propose doing instead? Nothing. The air will eventually clear, industrial pollution will disappear without a trace and the economy will fix itself.

Obama’s green plan may not immediately save our suffering unemployment rates, just like Roosevelt’s New Deal policy didn’t exactly kick the nation into immediate recovery from the Great Depression, but you can’t ignore the gray cloud of chemicals that you inhale everyday as you merely walk to your car. What it comes down to is: what’s more important, your money or your health?

Obama is calling for alternative power sources to cure our heavy dependence on fossil fuels, like oil. Thus, he will be paying favor to more “green” power plants (blanketing wind, solar and nuclear) and producers of electric plug-in cars. Meanwhile, he seeks to limit company’s carbon emissions through a “cap-and-trade” method that will tax businesses according to how much they pollute our air. This will force companies to lower their pollution levels, or else they pay for it.

But if you’re still stressing about the national pocketbook, there is yet another positive economic tactic aside from the creation of new jobs: if we limit our dependence on foreign oil, including oil from the middle east and Venezuela, we can pull from our own domestic American-made energy sources, strengthening both our economy and our security.

Even if this new green technology plan doesn’t work out for our economic benefit, at least our children won’t have to inhale large doses of industrial poison on a daily basis. Side effects include coughing, shortness of breath, wheezing, fatigue, dry throat, chest pain, headache, nausea and asthma. Oh joy!