By Karen Dickinson

For the Daily Titan

Valentine’s Day 2009: Elise Larkin looks at a stuffed bear her boyfriend Adam gave her. The bear is holding a small box in its paw. She expects earrings, a necklace, or maybe even a bracelet. But she opens the box to find a plastic heart that says, “Now you’ll always have my heart.” He was a simple romantic and the love of her life. The 21-year old political science major at Cal State Fullerton, recalled of her last Valentine’s Day with Adam.

27-year-old Adam Ransom came from a Christian family of five. They lived in Long Beach in a two-story house. His parents were supportive and loved their children more than anything.

He had many loves. One of them was Larkin, others were his nephews, his closest four friends and anyone else he called family. His favorite architect was Frank Lloyd Wright because he was captivated by skyscrapers. He was fascinated with Jung and loved to carefully analyze his writings. He played baseball all his life and also acquired a love for football. “Wherever Brett Farve went, Adam followed,” Larkin said. He had tattoos of his favorite quotations and art pieces; one of them carried the message: “The brightest stars burn out the fastest.”

He was an introvert while Elise was an extrovert. He was skeptical about people’s intentions; Larkin was not. They loved each other nonetheless. “Me, I was happy, and I think some of that poured into him,” she explained. Their 3-year relationship consisted of a lot of outdoor activities, especially overlooking the sunset at Signal Hill in Long Beach. They would enjoy nights in by slow dancing to the music of Billie Holiday in his room. “They were like two little kids in a movie,” said Kris Casebeer, Larkin’s cousin and Ransom’s childhood friend. Larkin’s parents didn’t approve of him, but that didn’t stop her from loving him.

“I’m beginning to understand I’ll love you forever,” “What were you thinking” and “Come back” are comments that now fill Ransom’s Facebook page. Something was missing from his life – a void he was never able to fill. Larkin explained that while the first year of their relationship was smooth, his depression became all too apparent within the second year. He would tell her things like, “If I killed myself I’d want to hang myself.” She would worry and ask him to clarify, only to receive a response along the lines of, “Oh… just kidding, I’d never do that.”

6 months ago, in an attempt to fill the void within him, Ransom began heavily drinking. He would go to Blondie’s, a bar that was within walking distance from his home, because it was convenient. He knew alcohol would always be there and it quickly became his escape. Blondie’s would always be there for him even when times were bad. Here, he was never alone. Here, everyone knew his name. And while he didn’t trust the world around him, he trusted everyone within the walls of Blondie’s.

Larkin had always seen her future in his eyes but he didn’t always feel the same. May 2009 came around which meant one thing, summer. For Larkin, it meant leaving for New York to attend an internship. The internship was important experience for Larkin; it meant she would be one step closer to accomplishing her goals. “It was something I was doing for my future,” she says. Ransom saw it as her giving up on him — he urged her not go as if she was leaving forever. Blondie’s became his comfort while she was away.

While in New York, Larkin thought he had become motivated to get help of some sort but came home to the reality. She called her cousin while away to check up on things and he told her “No, no … Adam has actually gotten 100 times worse.” Elise thought this had to be an exaggeration but realized it wasn’t when she saw his bloated face greet her at the airport. “He looked just horrible. It wasn’t like he was overweight in any fashion, it was the alcohol made him bloat,” she said. His depression had obviously gotten worse and Larkin could rarely find a sober boyfriend to talk to … her partner was slipping away.

Ransom never sought professional help but began medicating himself. He got Valium from a friend. “It will make me stop drinking,” he told Larkin. She didn’t try to stop him, not only because she knew how stubborn he was, but because she knew it would only escalate into an argument. He wasn’t the same person she had fallen in love with. His temper was short and they didn’t go to Signal Hill to watch sunsets anymore. They were not the active couple they once were.

Since the drugs were not helping, Ransom started taking at least five Valium a day. He couldn’t even function at work anymore let alone walk straight. Larkin decided the best thing to do was stay at a distance for the time being. She couldn’t handle how out of control he had become. He started having manic episodes and his friends found him face down in the water on a trip to Lake Havasu. No one knew if this was a suicide attempt or an accident as a result of the high dosage of Valium he was taking.

He came back from his trip to Lake Havasu looking worse than before. He had cuts and bruises everywhere, “It was like me seeing him kill himself from the inside. I knew the moment he stopped caring about his appearance something was wrong,” Elise says. She tried telling him how much his alcohol and drugs were affecting her and how much she loved him but he was so clouded from the two to understand the effect he was having on those around him.

On Aug. 21, Ransom could no longer take the helplessness. He took Valium and Darvocet in large quantities and washed them down with alcohol. He had been doing his research and knew this was the way to kill himself. And at age 27, Ransom decided to end his life. Elise was at work when she received the call from her brother urging her to come home immediately. When her parents told her what had happened to Ransom her world collapsed and everything lost its meaning. Food tasted like paper for the next two weeks. He left a note for his family and addressed Larkin in it: “Tell Elise she was my greatest love and that I am sorry it didn’t work out,” it read. She felt she was cheated out of a response.

School started on Monday and Adam had died on Friday and Elise knew putting her life on hold would only hinder her progress. She started the semester as usual but with an obvious hole in her heart. She became angry at Adam and herself. “How could he have done this to me?” she thought. “And how could I have not seen it coming?”

Elise has learned being angry brings no catharsis. And 12 weeks later she wears a smile brighter than a rainbow because of Ransom. She got to experience love and still feels his love everyday she wakes up. She carries that plastic heart she found in the box the bear was holding on Valentine’s Day everyday and knows she and Ransom will meet again.

Today, Larkin focuses all her energy on bringing awareness to those around her. She said the biggest regret she has is not acknowledging how serious his depression was. “His job wasn’t enough, his friends weren’t enough, his family wasn’t enough, I was not enough … to save him,” she said. Elise’s advice to those who know someone with depression is to never give up, never leave their side, and more importantly never underestimate the power of depression “It’s a disease that eats people up,” she says. She urges people to seek professional help immediately and never brush it off.

On Oct. 10 Larkin and her sorority, Sigma Kappa, participated in one of the “Out of the Darkness” community walks hosted by the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. “I’ve never lost anyone to suicide but the walk really me realize how prevalent suicide really is,” said Cal State Fullerton student Gabrielle Ulrich. The sorority raised $600 for depression research and other causes of suicide. She says this is the first of many events she will take part in to generate awareness.

Larkin hopes to make suicide prevention an active philanthropy for her sorority and get involved with the AFSP and possibly start an awareness group on campus. “It (suicide) basically kills everyone around them. It doesn’t just take that person’s life; It has taken my life and his parent’s life in a sense,” Larkin said.

On Nov. 21 the AFSP is hosting simultaneous conferences throughout the world in honor of its 11th Annual National Survivors of Suicide Day. They are healing conferences that help survivors connect with others who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss, and express and understand the powerful emotions they experience. “Laughter. It’s what’s helping me cope with it. Adam’s older brother and I just like to laugh a lot,” said Casebeer after losing one of his best friends.