By Ashleigh Johnson

Daily Titan Copy Editor

Today, Dear Readers, is a day of honesty. Think of it as a game of truth or dare, only without the dare part. And the tickle fights. And the copious amounts of booze juice (first grade is hell).

So really it’s nothing like truth or dare, but whatever, I’m running with it anyway so shut up.

But before we proceed, we need to have complete trust in each other. Tell me your biggest secret …

Uh huh, go on …

Whoa! Dude, take that to a doctor. I really don’t want to know what you did with Lego blocks and paperclips. There’s a line, man, and you just crossed it. What you did to that parakeet is absolutely inexcusable.

I’m going to slowly back away now, but as I do, allow me to share with you a secret of my own. It’s one that will undoubtedly fill your heart with rage, but I’m sick of living a lie. The truth must be known.

I, Lt. Dr. Sen. Ashleigh Johnson III, Esq., am sort of a Uwe Boll admirer.

This may come as a bit of a shock, but I have yet to find the last piece of the magic amulet that will grant me untold wisdom and the knowledge of the ancients, so there are some things in life that I just don’t understand.

War, death and the general inhumanity of man are three good examples; Uwe Boll is the fourth.

Despite my love for his work, I just can’t wrap my mind around him for some reason. Sometimes I’m convinced that everything he does is just part of some evil scheme to harvest the tears and rage of fanboys as a way to power his doomsday device and ultimately take over the Gummi Glen and rid the world of those pesky Gummi Bears once and for all.

Other times I find myself really enjoying his work. The dark humor of “Postal” comes to mind.

Hey, I’ll admit it, it’s one of my favorite movies – it’s absurd, it’s warped and it’s completely awesome. In short: It’s my kind of movie.

Then again, he also made “Alone in the Dark.” So, you know, there’s that. Whatever the case, I’m genuinely convinced that he is a film fan and that he does have the capability to write and direct a damn good movie.

While I was on a Mountain Dew-fueled high and brainstorming ideas for this column, I came across a video interview of the director discussing a movie he recently finished – a biopic about the genocide in Darfur.

Definitely not a career move I anticipated from the guy who is probably most famous for movies based on video games.

On a whim, I decided to somehow try and get in touch with either: a) someone who knew the director, b) someone who could give me information regarding the Darfur biopic, or c) all of the above.

What I didn’t expect was for Boll to contact me himself. Through his personal e-mail.

Allow me to make one thing clear: Boll is a pretty cool guy.

He was open to questions and after I fired back an e-mail chock-full of them, he answered them all.

Here are some highlights – unedited and uncut (yes, these are real): On how he handles critics: “i handle the negative critics offensive and aggressiv …because they didnt even watch my movies. in the last few years i did with POSTAL, STOIC, TUNNELRATS, DARFUR, RAMPAGE great movies … and they still write and think i do ALONE IN THE DARK movies [sic].”

On what he thinks is the worst films of all time: “this is not a fair question but really bad were (from the big movies) BC 10.000, electra, battleship earth.., indiana jones 4 [sic].”

The best films of all time: “clockwerk orange, apocalypse now, dances with wolves, godfather, raging bull, once upon a time in the west.”

On why he did a movie about Darfur: “the idea is to stop the genocide in sudan…its a crime ….children getting hacked in pieces and we do nothing … [sic].”

On his most memorable experience on a set: “a lot…. michael madsen with loaded, real guns in front of me ..drunk….for example [sic].”

I’m stumped. On one hand, he’s an interesting person; he does what he wants; and he’s unapologetic for that.

On the other hand, he’s done some awful movies, and he’s unapologetic for that too.

Most film geeks fall into either one of two camps: They either loathe Boll, or they love him.

I fall into neither because I’m more confused than your mother upon visiting the gynecologist (paying someone to see her vagina? What? It’s supposed to be the other way around!) I have a lot of thinking to do – I’ll be in the doom fortress if you need me.