By Ashleigh Johnson

Daily Titan Copy Editor

We all have those moments – sometimes you’re with a group of friends discussing the latest issue of the British Medical Bulletin, perhaps while engaging in a friendly debate over if Williams’ and Spencer’s published methods for managing the Clostridium difficile infection are indeed relevant to all medical cases in a hospital setting given that there isn’t an optimal method of diagnosis.

Or maybe you’re talking about football and junk. Whatever.

You’re knocking back beers like there’s no tomorrow, and sometime during the course of the night the conversation shifts to how awesome it would be if you and all your buddies went out and stole an ambulance, and then right as you got pulled over you all disrobe.

Because the look on the cop’s face would be freaking priceless! High five!

But despite being a drunken idiot, you ultimately don’t end up carrying out what your friend Matt calls “The greatest. Idea. Ever!” right before barfing up four chalupas.

Why? Because, come on, alcohol makes idiots out of all of us from time to time, and there exists certain ideas that are so inherently stupid that even if your blood starts to taste like Everclear, you’d still never do them.

Sure, you’re stupid when you’re “crunk,” but you do have some semblance of intelligent thought upon reaching sobriety.

All right, PETA. What’s your excuse?

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m what you might call an animal lover. I’m one of those freaks who talks in a high-pitched baby voice to animals.

I used to work in a pet store where I would try to give the little guinea pigs and blue-tongued skinks cuddles after I cleaned their cages (side note: skinks are awesome).

I am all about freaking respect for animals.

Recently the Aquarium of the Pacific announced that they would give away tickets to patrons who purchased specially-marked seafood entrees at participating restaurants.

PETA, being comprised of window-lickers and attention whores, was quick to enter “sassy mode” and quickly began an aggressive campaign (i.e. they tore themselves away from their Myspace pages long enough to whine on their blog) against the Seafood of the Future program.

“Nooo!” They cried, probably whilst blasting a My Chemical Romance CD (because Gerard Way understands pain, guys), masturbating furiously to a screen cap from the “Twilight” movie and continuously flipping their oh-so-trendy bangs out of their eyes in a practiced motion that resembles a neurological problem. “Think of the sea kittens! They communicate!”

No. Just no.

The goal of the aquarium’s Seafood of the Future program is to encourage sustainability.

Wild-caught seafood has become a popular meal due to the belief that farm-raised animals have a higher mercury content among other reasons. This has led to a drop in the wild population, affecting the ecosystem and robbing local economies of a viable source of income.

The program will encourage people to rely on farm-raised food, by providing recipes and the opportunity to enjoy an educational, fun-filled day at the aquarium.

Campaigning against cruelty to animals is all well and good. Pushing a lifestyle that is, frankly, inconvenient or impractical on an unassuming population is not.

Newsflash, PETA: a vegan diet is not the cure for everything. Also, tofu is gross. Oh yeah, I went there.

Also, stop calling fish “sea kittens” – you’re just robbing them of what little dignity they have left.

If I were a fish and I overheard someone calling me a sea kitten I would not be able to find a hook and the sweet, sweet embrace of death fast enough.

Hell, if I couldn’t find a hook I’d just swim around in my own filth until I choked to death.

But maybe I’m just bitter because ABC has decided to pull a segment on “Dancing with the Stars” in which a chimp was a guest judge.

Read: Now I’ll never have a reason to watch “Dancing with the Stars.” I’ll bet he was wearing an adorable little suit and everything.

Damn you, PETA, damn you.